


So Far From Home

by SunkissedMermaid



Category: The Good Place
Genre: Gen, Janet's Crush on Jason
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-27 11:34:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17161244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunkissedMermaid/pseuds/SunkissedMermaid
Summary: Janet, Eleanor, and Tahani have a rare day to themselves and decide to help Janet feel a little more at home on earth. Some bonding may occur.





	So Far From Home

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sy5starplaty](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Sy5starplaty).



> This is for my Secret Santa, Sy5starplaty. I hope you enjoy my little gift.

Janet doesn’t get to experience many human activities. Sure, she knows about many human activities: brushing teeth, driving to work, eating, butt wiping, writing thank you cards… real exciting stuff like that, but she’s never lived them. She’s never licked a stamp or sent a letter or cut her toe nails. She never felt like she needed it. She had the information, she gave the information, and her job was complete; that was rewarding enough. But now that she’s human, kind of, she wants to live those things. She wants to be married to Jason and live in a house (not in Florida, she has that opinion now), and water their garden and accidentally kill her favorite ficus because she over watered it (except she wouldn’t do that because she knows exactly how much water ficus need). She wants to have friends and talk to them about the new season of Game of Thrones (she used to know who was going to die as soon as the writers figured it out but now she has to wait just like every other human, it sucks!).

Instead she’s sitting in a parlor in one of Tahani’s many summer homes, waiting for the others to get back from Australia. Uzo is such a great friend, Janet thinks. She hopes Chidi doesn’t blow his second chance at being his best man. She knows how sweaty Chidi can get when he’s in a stressful situations.

Suddenly, the giant French doors to the parlor are flung open dramatically revealing Tahani. Dressed in an impeccable blue ball gown complete with matching silk gloves and she’s carrying a basket full of roses.

“Oh, Janet, darling! What a surprise, I thought you’d gone with the others.”

“No, Michael said I should stay. He’s going to his first bachelor party and doesn’t want me to get lonely since it was no girls allowed.”

“How wonderful! It’ll be you, me, and Eleanor.”

Right then, Eleanor comes huffing down the many stairs that lead to the second floor of the mansion. When she gets to the end she leans on the banister to catch her breath, “Holy crap, that’s a work out. You’re so rich Tahani, why don’t you build an elevator?”

Tahani turns to her and smiles her most charming smile, “Oh I simply couldn’t bare to ruin the rustic decor that first attracted me to this place.”

Eleanor snorts and puts on her fakest, poshest, accent to imitate Tahani, “Well pardon me madam, I can’t believe I’d ever suggest that. I wouldn’t dream of ruining the decoooooor.”

Tahani only glares at her but turns back to Janet as if nothing happened, “Yes, well, now that we’re all awake and ready for the day, at noon, why don’t we head over to the kitchen and have some brunch.”

Hearing the word brunch makes Janet excited. Brunch is one of the exciting things she always wanted to try from earth. She still can’t eat but she can smell and taste and it helps her feel a little bit more human.

Eleanor’s eyes brighten as well, “Oh hell yeah!  I saw the kitchen last night it must have great food.” Eleanor sprints to the kitchen and leaves Tahani and Janet behind.

By the time Janet and Tahani reach the kitchen she’s already served herself some eggs and bacon and is chewing on a handful of cut fruit from a bowl on the counter..

“Dude, these are the freshest grapes I’ve ever had.”

“Yes, they’re straight from my dear friends, the Clooney’s, Amal and George, private fruit garden in Italy.”

“You know George Clooney?” Eleanor asks around a mouth full of egg.

“Oh yes. We met at my close friend’s Matt Damon’s yearly prank competition. George was very impressed by my ingenuity and silliness. And we’ve been friends ever since. Amal even asked me to be her bridesmaid for their wedding but sadly I had to decline due to the very important global warming awareness fundraiser I do with Mark Ruffalo every year.”

“Huh.” was Eleanor’s only acknowledgement. Janet grabs a piece of mango from the bowl and licks it a little bit. The juice that runs down her hand is sticky and stains her long sleeved shirt.

At this point it felt like the right time to bring up what had been on Janet’s mind all day.

“So you know how I told you I’d been a helpful assistant to your neighborhood for over 300 years?”

Both women turn towards Janet and wait for her to continue.

“Well I was thinking that since I’m going to be living among humans I wanted to start looking more like a human… and I was hoping you could help me.”

Tahani jumps up and claps her hands.

“Great idea Janet. I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of that first. I mean look at you, you look like an air hostess. And not even one of the glamours ones from Pan Am.”

Eleanor pushes Tahani out of the way, “That’s rude and extremely accurate. Sorry, Janet, but you’re totally hot. Why aren’t you flaunting your bod at all times? All those curves and me with no breaks, know what I’m sayin’?” She waggles her eyebrows like she thinks what she’s saying is at all subtle.

“Oh, we all know what you’re saying.” Tahani takes Janet’s hand and leads her towards the stairs. “We are going to give you a proper makeover. You are going to be the personification of elegance, fashion, and charm. The tabloids are going to be asking themselves, Kate Middleton whom?” Janet imagines herself being photographed and chased into an expensive car like Princess Diana. To think that now she gets to photograph unwilling people when they’re at their most vulnerable.

Eleanor, who had finally caught up to them at the top of the stairs pants out of breath, “She will not be looking like some stuffy princess. She wants to look human not repressed,” she looks her straight in the eye, “I’ll make sure you look  _ muy caliente _ ,” gives her the ok hand sign and winks with her entire face.

Janet gives her a nervous smile, “Thank you, Eleanor. I think.”

They arrive at a room near Tahani’s bedroom and after pushing through several doors they discover that this room is a closet.It has many hangers and drawers and several changing spaces as if it were a department store.

“Now, darling, first thing we must do is remove what you have on right now. Maybe it was appropriate for the good place-” Janet interrupts and smiles her bestowing information smile, “It was actually The Bad Place that Michael disguised as The Good Place-” Eleanor raises her hand and puts a silencing finger on Janet’s lips, “Is that really important to rehash again?” Janet just shakes her head no. 

Tahani has lost interest in what the two are doing and pulls out several things from the hangers.

Excitedly she chucks them at Janet to hold.

“I wore this number to my after party for winning the Humanitarian Award in 2011. Oh, and I wore this beautiful couture Dior original to the red carpet for the Oscars in 2015 when I was accompanying my good friend Leonardo Di Caprio - who I met when I accepted the Humanitarian Award…” Eleanor rolls her eyes but smiles at Janet as if to say, can you believe this dork.

Eleanor walks to the other side of the closet and starts pulling out clothes as well. “You should listen to me Janet. You want to dress more human not dress like Princess Grace Kelly over there.”

Janet puts down the clothes she’s carrying and walks towards the pile Eleanor is making. Most of them have either glitter, some kind of animal print, or unnecessary zippers.

Janet picks up one of the glittery pumps Eleanor threw into the pile. “I don’t know about this shoe. Michael and I do a lot of walking and Earth makes me tired.”

Tahani walks over and takes the shoe from Janet. “Hm, I have to say Janet, I don’t know where any of these clothes came from. I would never be caught dead in  _ cheetah  _ print much less a Swarovski encrusted cheetah print jumpsuit.”

Eleanor turns around, “Are you saying you’re too good for cheetah print?”

“I don’t mean to offend Eleanor, but cheetah print hasn’t been en vogue since the 90s. And that’s me being kind.”

“Shows how much you know because Paris Hilton wore cheetah print well through the 2000s and she was a fashion icon.”

“Paris Hilton was promoting a brand she never actually believed in any of that.”

“You take that back!” Eleanor has turned bright red.

Tahani looks her straight in the eyes and with no remorse says, “She told me.”

Eleanor freezes after that statement.

Janet steps between the two women, “I like the color blue, maybe I can try something in blue?”

Tahani sets down the shoe and walks back to her original side of the closet.

Eleanor still wide-eyed, as if in shock, says “I wore low rise jeans and a Von Dutch hat all through high school because of her.”

Janet pats her shoulder, “I know.”

“Why does she always have to ruin everything? She’s such a know-it-all.”

“I don’t think her original intention was to ruin it.” Janet tries to comfort Eleanor but she’s not usually the one people go to for that kind of help. She wishes Jason was here.

“Whatever. I’m going to find you the perfect outfit and you are going to feel sexy and sophisticated.”

Janet sighs and starts pulling off her vest. The buttons are so tiny and they take so long to undo. She always forgets how boring being human is until she has to do things like unbutton stuff. Having friends is nice until something goes wrong and you have to try and fix it or when the zipper on your skirt gets stuck and it wont go up or down anymore and half your hip is sticking out of the top. Janet kicks off her shoes and tries to forcibly pull her skirt down her legs. A loud ripping sound makes Janet stop forcing the skirt. “Oh darn. What have I done? No, no, no…”

Eleanor turns , “What’s wrong?”

Janet turns around very quickly and trips on her discarded shoes. She lands hard on the ground. “Nothing. Everything. Being human is hard.” Janet keeps pulling at the zipper on her skirt. Not even trying to get it to go down anymore but she needs something to focus on now that Eleanor is watching her.

Eleanor squats in front of her and grabs at the bottom of the zipper and pulls at the top part so that the zipper is straight, “Now you pull the zipper down while I hold it.” To Janet’s surprise the zipper glides down easily.

“I didn’t know that. I didn’t think I needed to know that.”

“Yeah, I’ve been changing my clothes my whole life. I know a few tricks.”

“Thanks, Eleanor.”

Eleanor smiles at Janet, “I’ve never appeared in the cover of any magazine but you don’t need to be a model to figure out how clothes work.”

Tahani stands behind Eleanor and extends her hand, “I’m sorry for acting like such a twat. Sometimes I forget I’m trying to be a better person.” Eleanor takes her hand and stands up.

“Apology accepted you giant giraffe.”

“Oi, you can lay off the tall jokes. We already know you’re jealous of the extra foot Janet and I have on you. Also I found the most perfect ensemble.”

Janet is standing there in her billowing shirt and no pants. “Okay, as long as it doesn’t have zippers. I don’t think I’m ready to wrestle with them again.”

“Don’t you worry Janet, darling. I know what I’m doing.”

“I guess we can see what she comes up with before we officially say no.”

“I think you’ll find that I am great at compromising and as my godfather, Tim Gunn, likes to say,  _ make it work _ !”

Janet takes the clothes Tahani hands her and walks into the changing area.

Tahani gives Eleanor a pile of clothes as well. “I was thinking that since Janet has never had proper friends before this whole ordeal started we could all do something together.”

Eleanor shakes out the clothes and notices they’re pajamas. “You want to have a sleepover? Braid each other’s hair and tell scary stories in the dark?”

“Well we don’t have to. I was just thinking maybe we could give Janet a proper girl’s night sleepover. But we could just have a chat over a glass of bordeaux before we turn in for bed.”

Eleanor stares at Tahani for a moment. Trying to assess whether she’s being serious. “We could do that. And maybe a movie too. You know for the proper sleepover experience.”

Tahani smiles, “I think Janet would like that… and me too. I have actually never been to a sleepover. My parents always thought there were better things my sister and I could be doing with our evenings.”

“That’s kind of funny. I’ve never been to a sleepover either. But only because I never wanted my friends to meet my parents.”

“Seems we had so much in common as kids.”

“Uh no. You lived in a mansion with servants. I lived in a one bedroom apartment where the only reason the place was clean was because my parents were always selling whatever junk we had lying around to support their drug habits.”

“What I mean is that despite our financial situations, all we ever wanted from our parents was a chance at a family that gave a damn about us.”

“Never thought of it like that.” Eleanor becomes somber. She decides she’s not going to think about that anymore, “I’m gonna go change. I’m guessing this are like 1000 thread silk or whatever?”

Tahani wants to correct her but thinks better of it, “Something like that.”

Eleanor goes into the changing area and puts on her pajamas.

Janet comes out and in her brand new outfit and stands in front of the mirror.

Tahani claps her hands once and grins, “What do you think?”

Eleanor comes out dressed and stares at Janet,  “You look ri-dunk-ulously good! I can’t believe you actually pulled it off, Tahani. Wait, this is one of the shirts from my pile. And it actually looks good with something from your pile?”

“I told you I’m great at compromise. It just takes a little creativity.”

Janet is wearing clothes that nowhere in her knowledge storage could have been archived together. An aqua pants suit and a zebra print high-collared shirt. Janet had seen some shiny black boots that she liked and runs back to the spot and pulls them on. “This is my new human outfit for a new human-ish me,” Janet gives them two thumbs up and grins at them.

Tahani hands Janet her own set of pajamas, “I’m glad you like it. We’re having a sleepover. And pajamas are the proper human attire for that.”

Janet takes them, “I’ll go change into them right now!” She runs back into the changing area.

“I suppose I better change into mine as well,” says Tahani. She walks into the changing area next to Janet's.

When they’ve all settled into one of the many guest areas in the house, with a glass of wine in each, Eleanor puts on one of the movies from Tahani’s collection of romantic comedies. “We’re watching The Devil Wears Prada. Feels kind of appropriate. Oh, uh… is that ok, Tahani? This one is signed by Meryl Streep.”

Tahani chuckles, “Quite alright. You know how funny Meryl is. She handed them out as treats for one of her Halloween parties.”

“How could I forget how funny Meryl is?”

Half way through the movie Janet whispers, “Thanks for doing this with me guys. I know you didn’t have to.”

Eleanor whispers back, “Anytime, bud.”

Janet insists, “It’s just that ever since I left The Good Place I haven’t felt like I belonged anywhere. When Michael stole me from the Janets Warehouse I lost my purpose. I mean, I hadn’t known I’d lost my purpose but I did. And we’ve been running around just barely escaping from one situation to another with no real plan. I’m a Janet that doesn’t have all the answers and you guys kept me anyway.”

Eleanor pauses the movie, “You’ve been thinking all this the whole time?”

Janet nods. Tahani takes Janet’s hand, “I’m sorry, darling. You’ve been homesick since the moment you became conscious and we’ve been too wrapped up in our own dilemmas to notice you’ve been struggling too.”

“It’s not that I’m a child who needs guidance and care but now I have so many feelings that I have no way of processing. I miss my void and The Good Place and Ja-uh…um people when they’re gone. I have the knowledge of every single therapist at my disposal but so far I really only feel better when I’m not alone,” Janet sighs.

Eleanor squeezes between Janet and Tahani and puts her arms around both of them.

“It’s ok Janet. It takes a while but you’ll get it. Look at us we’re still working on it. And if anyone can do it it’ll definitely be the hottest Siri I’ve ever met.”

Janet looks at Eleanor with a little smile, “Maybe you can stop comparing me to an iPhone? I know you mean it as a complement but it isn’t.”

“Anything for my favorite not a girl not a robot friend,” and tightens her hold on her.

“Janet, you do know we consider you part of this group, right? Without you we wouldn’t be here. Without you we’d literally be in hell. The Soul Squad wouldn’t feel the same without you.” Tahani says with all earnestness.

“Yeah, you’re like the heart of the group. Chidi and I we’re the co-brains. Jason and Michael they keep things interesting, they start things, you know? And you’re the heart of the group. We wouldn’t be here without you.”

Tahani taps Eleanor on the shoulder and protests, “You forgot me!”

Eleanor grins, “No I didn’t.” Tahani bumps her shoulder, “Chidi says you’re supposed to be nice to me.”

“I’m just kidding. You’re actually very resourceful. You can make something out of nothing. You can build empires from the ground up.”

“That’s true.” Tahani picks up her glass and takes a sip very satisfied with herself.

Eleanor picks up her own glass and the remote. She looks at Janet, “You good?”

“Yeah, Thanks Eleanor.”

Eleanor starts the movie again and all three of them sit there in the dark as Meryl struts on the screen.

Janet’s first sleepover was going great and she couldn’t wait to experience her next first.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a little moodboard I made for this fic Over on my tumblr [Opal-and-Rust](https://opal-and-rust.tumblr.com/post/181411841055/i-made-a-little-mood-board-for-my-secret-santa/)


End file.
